Stunned Faces

Social

Few months ago at a usual dinner time in my 6th form. All huddled around a table whilst eating our lunches. General chitchat being passed around. I was trying my best to keep involved with the conversation, reading lips. At one point I got lost as three people's mouth moved at once. It was like watching goldfishes mouths pop open and close all move at once, but I became my own worse enemy. I didn't ask any one what I just missed.
Someone shortly afterwards asked me on my opinion of what was being talked about. I didn't have a clue.
I knew I should have asked but as some deaf people do, they nod and let the conversation carry on. Also I could hear before with my hearing aids in, now zilch. People were just carrying on as normal. 

This happened again to me last week, but I had a different response. I stopped the conversation and actually asked what when off. Cue the stunned faces!  Since losing my hearing completely my confidence has grown. I wanted to know what was being said, even if it was something I am not interested in.
Although some of the conversations that I walk in on are really awkward/interesting...
One of my friends mentioned 'lady-boys'. My first initial reaction was huh? Without thinking, I said what just had be said. *cue more strange faces*
Why was this being talked about, but then when I started putting the conversation together I understood that it had been a TV programme and my TA originally brought it up. Weird but this keeps happening to me recently. I look up to find myself in a middle of a conversation, with some rather weird comments being spoken. It is these things that make my family laugh when I tell them about my day, as its an experience for them as well me. 

On the plus side people are now starting to be more deaf aware (apart from the odd few who can't seem to drill it into their head - 'she has gone deaf, must not stand in front of the light etc.'), my closest friends are sometimes just seeing the puzzled look on my face and just start repeating what had been said.
Thank goodness, the stunned faces seem to be no more!

The MRI scan

p.s - this not my brain as my mate seems to think...

MRI

I have been waiting for my MRI letter to come through the post for ages. I was really hoping that the appointment wasn't going to be during exam season. Luckily it arrived for the week before they started.

Before the day of my MRI, I had different opinions of the MRI from people thrown at me left, right and centre. One person kind of freaked me out, saying that they got stuck in a machine. Luckily I ignored that comment. Otherwise it would have made me nervous to be in the machine. Others have told me its loud and noisy - well I can't hear, so I don't have anything to worry about. Whereas my mam has told me that she fell asleep through it. So I was pretty sure that I would be similar, since I already sleep through my vibrating alarm clock.

I already knew what a MRI scan was, therefore I didn't need to do much research on it like everything else I have been doing. I had covered it multiple times in science at school. Although the images that I saw was of the outside scanner, I had been told be some people that they have to wear a helmet. My first thought was a medieval knight style. With someone going 'arise sir knight'.
Okay that was a little too much... 

Anyways, very early in the morning, arriving at Queen's Medical Centre was a nightmare. Mazes of roads going all over the place meant it was hell to park the car but it didn't stop there. In the hospital became labyrinths maze. I think me and me mam ended up looping round one corridor more than once. Until a lady pointed us in the right direction.

Arriving the department, and the first thing the receptionist said to me was remove your jewellery. 15 minutes later, after battling to remove all of it. I was told to come through to another room. The guy who collected me was not deaf aware at all. Talking away and walking in front of me whilst at that. I couldn't lip read him. Its a deaf person kind of personal hell.
In the end I said to him ' I am deaf'
His reply was 'I know, that's why your here!' It was rather arrogance, despite stating the obvious. Also the handlebar moustache, dude, not a good look! I can't read your lips, as its covering your lip pattern. 
He eventually went away after what it seemed like a lifetime of asking questions to ensure my safety in the machine.
My mam was signing away to me to keep conversation going during another waiting period.

Then it was my time to go in the scanner, a woman came to collect me and hallelujah she was signing. Not a facial hair hanging over the lips in sight.  Explaining the process again, whilst being walked up to the room. I was then told to lay down on this trolley which goes into the machine. Whilst she placed the helmet over my head, along with some ear muffs. I gave her a funny look to say, 'I am deaf! Doubt the sound would bother me'. Apparently it's all procedure though. Mirrors where inside the helmet so I could see her, to reassure me apparently. She told me it would take around 30 - 45 minutes. In I went.
Instantly I feel asleep.

20 minutes later, it was all over. Apparently the image of my Cochlear is really clear so it didn't take as long. I actually thought it was the full time because I feel asleep. Ooops!

So now I just have to wait for another appointment! Just hope its after my exams...

Info, info, info... how much do I really need to know?

The Ear Foundation...

I have been researching Cochlear Implants in the last few months so much, that I finally thought that my brain would explode! I know that taking in too much information at once can become overwhelming.
Fortunately there was some new things that I was yet to still learn!

I found out a few months ago that there was to be a Cochlear Information day at the Ear Foundation in Nottingham. This I wanted to go to straight away, as there were to be talks from real people. Not people in books, DVD's or YouTube videos which seem to be all singing, dancing and bright lights at the end of the tunnel. I wanted to talk to people who have actually gone through the operation themselves and explain their experiences, the crazy roller coaster of a journey of the up's and down's.

The day came...

The day finally came two weeks ago on Saturday, I thought it was going to be pretty useless, as I felt that I'd made my opinion up and gathered all the information.
Arriving at the Ear Foundation the volunteers were so cheery, I could tell that it was going to be a fab day. Meeting other people in my situation some younger than me and others similar was interesting. Exchanging stories with other teenagers made me feel a bit better. As most of my deaf friends had their CI's when they were young so essentially they don't know what I am going through.

Several talks were given through out the day starting with talks from the three companies (Advance Bionics, Cochlear, MEdel) who provide CI's. Then a surgeon who actually operates with Cochlear Implants went through the procedure and showed small images of the op, slightly gross and aaaawwweeessssommmeee (as my brother would say it) at the same time. To be honest I am glad to know what they could be doing to my head!

Then came dinner, was getting rather hungry since we set off from home early. During dinner it was another chance to talk to families. Once I had my dinner and had another chat with the companies for CI's will gaining lots of freebies which I have since given out to friends and families since I got too much.  

Then the afternoon came, the party was to be spilt. People with young children went one way and me with other teens along with our parents went another.
In a separate room, us teens were discussing the problems with CI's whilst still being in education. The chairperson so to speak was a teacher for the deaf from Nottingham, who shared her pupils experiences having the CI operation whilst in education. It was a time to vent out feelings about the situation I was going through, what I thought about CI's and what our own families thought of the CI's. By the end of the afternoon I felt better towards having a Cochlear Implant and swapped numbers with fellow teenagers to keep in contact and advise one another what we have done in the journey and our experiences. 

Before leaving a teenager who was my age who had already had two CI's advised me to have it done but with two. This was a constant debate between me and my mam, I only wanted one as I had a small amount of hearing in my right ear left, whereas others and my mam said to have two done as that hearing could soon disappear. The teenager explained her reasoning behind it and slowly by the time I got home I changed my mind!

"I WANT TWO COCHLEAR IMPLANTS" I announced to my mam! A big smile splashed across her face! She was thrilled!

http://www.earfoundation.org.uk/

Reality becomes crashing in - i thought you were deaf aware!

This week...

It was this week that I experienced someone being not deaf aware. To be honest it shouldn't have affected me as it would normally done, as I would have just shuck it off and carried on.

The person who did it too me was someone who I had known for years! I would have thought they had learnt by now but apparently not!

I just come back from my Easter break and was in class. I had explained to my teacher that my hearing had disappeared and that I needed them to be more aware of how they stand, talk etc. Any deaf person reading this would understand.
Their response to me was 'I will try...' my immediate thought was you will not try, you will do! I feel like giving them the death stare, or trying to hypnotise them. Impossible, but that's what I get for watching too much Sci-Fi films... 

It didn't end there that lesson, it just got worse and split over a couple of days. Deaf awareness should have been a key thing as this person had known me for many years. I asked them to repeat what had just been said, as it wasn't just me who missed the whole conversation. My interpreter was the same, kind of my fault for asking my interpreter to sign the last sentence again as I got mixed up.
Me: Would you repeat that again, please!
Them: Nope, must carry on with the lesson.

Oooo, that made me mad!

In addition to this my coursework it suppose to be finished apparently. Although with all the hearing loss and many appointment to the hospital in various parts of the country, means I do miss school occasionally. The rest of my teachers have took it into consideration whereas this one doesn't fully understand!
Therefore I am playing catching up, with the glare that comes in my direction every now and then!

I think to solve this problem of people not being deaf aware, I might do a meeting to talk about what I am going through; whilst trying to get them to understand it hard being disadvantaged with a slight hearing loss, that being profoundly deaf is twice the difficultness!

AND breathe, rant over!

Hearing Vanishing Once Again

During Easter...

I broke up from school on the Thursday just before Easter still having some of my hearing. Unlucky for me my hearing went on the Easter Monday but it did it whilst I was at home thank god!
My mam arranged for me to have emergency testing at my audiology centre again. It was pretty much what I expected. My hearing had gone...
Back on the magic pill (steroids) I go!

It wasn't magic this time!

My audiologist by this point had already put a referral through to a Cochlear Implant centre in Nottingham. I was hoping that the appointment would come through quick!

After Easter...

Luckily for me that my referral came through quickly and that I just attended this week gone. I had pretty mixed feeling yet again, I was unsure how it was going to go. I attended 6th form in the morning explaining the situation to all my teachers, then I headed on the journey down to Nottingham.

Arriving at Nottingham Audiology centre was quite complex, so many roads that went in the different direction to the place I wanted to go. Luckily me and my mam had Sean with us, the Irish accent SAT NAV which she is nuts about. Sorry Mam, it had to be said!
Once I got inside the building it reminded me of a swimming pool, my mam said my voice was echoing and bouncing off the worlds from when I spoke. Therefore that point was proved. Ha-ha.

Once meeting the audiologist I began to felt more relaxed. Up until now, people who were in the medical profession didn't exactly know what to do with me. These guys were specialised! Another hearing test was conducted, it must have been my 8th one in the last two months. There was no surprise, my hearing had remained at the level it was at. Which the audiologist then said the words I have been wanting to hear '...meet the criteria for a Cochlear Implant'. I knew that was the start of a journey to hearing again, but it wouldn't be straight forward. Nothing ever is.

After this appointment I had to talk to a teacher for the deaf since I was still in education. She advised me on what to do, how much more research I should carry out. Questions were flung at me again about my expectations etc. Boring but essential.

From this meeting I was given a information pack which advised me on what I could do and cant do if I have a cochlear implant.
For example I can't do Badminton if I don't wear some form of protection head wear. My initial thought was what the hell!
Another example is I can't do Karate again. Even though I gave it up many years ago, I have been recently thinking about going back to it. Bugger!
The DVD was similar and this has been making the rounds to all the people which are close to me. It has the aim to make them understand what I am going through.  

The next step in this journey is going to a Cochlear Implant Conference provided by the Ear Foundation. This will hopefully resolve and find the solution to problem which has been weighing on my mind. The decision whether to have 1 or 2 Cochlear Implants!

THE COCHLEAR IMPLANT

Before Easter...


the outside of a cochlear implant (the processor)

A couple of weeks before Easter I got in touch with an old friend of mine who had their cochlear implant done when they were a similar age to me. We went out for a meal, this was an opportunity for me to ask a bunch of questions. It was like an explosion of questions coming out of my gob!

Some were funny such as 'can you stick a fridge magnet to your head?' 

the inside implant linking to the cochlear

The response was no! Much to my brother displeasure! I think he thought if I a Cochlear Implant he could go round with a bunch of fridge magnets and re-invent the pin the tail on the donkey.
I did ask some serious questions as well. By the end of the evening I got most of the answers that I desperately sought.

The next day at school, I would not shut up according to one of my closest friends. Telling almost everyone who spoke to me what I could be going through and relaying all the answers I received.
It was becoming a weight off my mind!

Hallelujah or not...

After that appointment...

The magic pill were of course short lived, it gave me my hearing back for a couple of months which yippee I could hear music, TV and voices! Thank god!
School became more supportive through that period by giving me extra support and I had signing interpreters put in place. So I could understand my teachers, as some of them are mega hard to understand when just lip reading them.

From that audiology appointment, I had to constantly go back for further hearing tests to make sure that I could still hear. It was beginning to show again that my hearing was dropping again and at first my confidence was too.

My deaf friends who had Cochlear Implants were beginning to help me understand and get my head around the idea of having one. As that could be an option to take.
There were conflicting opinions from people around me on what I should do. My parents of course said go for whatever was best for me!
Whereas other people said to me it wasn't natural to have a Cochlear Implant, my response was 'well would you prevent a person having a hip replacement, because that's not natural' this shut them up.

Around March...

My hearing was beginning to drop again, which gave me the idea of researching all the options that I have laid out in front of me.
1. Going down the pathway of having no hearing and being deaf for the rest of my life. This is ruled out straight away! I was not going to sit around hearing no music, my parents voice, or potentially failing my A Levels.
2. Keep wearing my hearing aids and have very little sound. As I know scientists now conducting research to help restore hearing.
3. Go for the  Cochlear Implant which had be recommended by Audiologist.

Option 2 and 3 were becoming more favourable to me!