Well where do I start?

Tons of time has passed...

Yeah I know its been a long time since I have wrote anything on my hearing journey. It's been such a crazy last few months; involving my birthday, many tunings, concerts and cramming in my A Level studies.
 
6th Form...

Overall, my CI's have been awesome! I am managing to hold conversations without looking at the person. When my name is called out in class I response straight away, well pretty much straight away.
Even some of my teachers have been left gobsmacked with me responding. I think its to do with the fact I haven't done this in a long time and its always someone waving their hand in my face or prodding me on the arm to get my attention to start with. I am starting to not rely on my interpreters as much, although the odd bearded teacher makes it incredibly hard to lip-read still. (Shave it off dude!)

Anyways its all looking positive in terms of 6th form.
The school have finally set up a T-Loop system and it works! No longer the days where I look clueless in assemblies; having to ask me friends to wrote notes down or relay the information to me afterwards.
I am pleased that even in the lower school kids are starting to become more deaf aware. Having several sign classes set up with myself teaching one; its ace to see them trying to sign at break and lunch.

I have had several tuning since my switch on back in August and each time I am accessing more sound. The couple days after the tuning I have to get use to people voices again. They sound like really robotic like Daleks. It is amusing in classes at 6th form; trying to take a teacher or a guest lecturer seriously.  

In terms of hearing new sounds there haven't been that many recently but back in September my friend zipping up her jacket freaked me out. I ended up getting her to zip it up a couple of times, till it sounded as it should have done through my hearing aids.
Even my history teacher made jump out of my seat when he was writing on the board. He thought that he was talking too loud and said that he couldn't whisper then everyone else wouldn't hear. I had to explain that it was the board pen. The awful squeaking noise that came with it. How the hell do hearing people cope with it. Oh yeah I remember its just 'white noise'. So I have now moved away from the board to avoid this dreaded noise every time he writes. Such peace!

Every week I have been doing some listening tests to see if I can still pick up the phonetics, words and sentences within a noisy background. Its amazing that I can still hear even with all the noises which surrounds me. I would never have been able to do this with my hearing aids and without relying heavily on lip-reading.

Fireworks, Concerts and Cinemas...

Surrounding Bonfire Night the fireworks were so loud, I actually thought a bomb had exploded and was running round the house like a lunatic checking if my siblings were alright. I ended by embarrassed by my hearing sister saying it was just fireworks.
Jeez-Marie! So I eventually ended up going to a firework display and wanted to experience it with the whole noises of 'bang and boom'. I must admit to be glad that I was able to take my CI's off!

I went to my first concert since being switched on. I can say its an experience. Hearing every single words of the songs, even the instruments sound crystal clear though my CI's.
Also visiting the Cinema several times and tried hearing through both the T-Loop system and without. I can't believe the clarity and not having to rely on subtitles either.


Upgrading and 'Pimping' my CI's...

I am due to upgrade my CI's soon after Christmas to the Nucleus 6. I was suppose to have this back in August but my implant centre didn't have it in stock. After researching in depth back in June/July, I didn't originally want this technology as when listening to music it would involve wearing a box around my neck rather than wires, as its apparently wireless.
Great I thought. However I hate wearing things around my neck was refusing a first to have it.
However, Cochlear have released two models of the implant. One being exactly like the Nucleus 5 and I could still plug in my iPod whilst functioning with the wireless system as well. The other just being wireless.
My Teacher for the Deaf came to visit me a few weeks ago and happily informed me that when I was upgraded I would have the model which I could still plug into. I literally jumped out of my seat going 'YES'. A late Christmas present to me would be a new processor system. Yay!

I have begun 'pimping' my CI's after being inspired by a Facebook group 'Pimp My Hearing Aids / Cochlear Implants', which a few of my friends recommended. At first I didn't want my CI's to stand out - partly due the fact that I was getting use to them and the other being I was a little embarrassed but I got over that within the first few weeks.
Now my CI's stand out in their colourful themes. I first started off with gems after being inspired to  have a really girl theme. Now I have a more seasonal theme that is slightly Christmassy, my brother says that they look like wrapping paper. Charming eh?

 (1)

 (2)

  
I am going to match them to an outfit when I go out for  a meal with friends next week, despite it being so fiddly, its worth it!

I think you sound like a dude...

The next few days after the switch on...

It's the next morning and my implant is starting to sound a little more normal. I was also going to my grandparents house later on to show them my implants. Before I went there, my family made a quick stop at the supermarket to pick up some ingredients to make a banana cake. (It was yum I must admit!) Walking through the supermarket was fairly fine, I was on the second programme as the first one seemed too quiet compared to the day before after being switched on. The audiologist did say this would happen.
Up and down each aisle was a weird experience, I could hear the rustle of packaging when people picked them up. Trolley's banging into one another was really loud. It got worse when I was at the checkout. With all the noises of people putting things on the belt and sounds from people talking; got too much. So I ended up just pulling the magnet off my head until we left the shop. Reaching the doors, the magnets clipped back onto my head. I told my mam 'Quiet, finally', she just laughed and said 'This is what hearing people have to put up with regardless.'
Hmmm, sounds fun.

Being at my grandparents house, the noise was just immense. Too many conversational greeting going off at once made me pull a right face at my grandma. Luckily she didn't get offended and just kept laughing when I explained everything was really loud. Switching back to programme one again!
After this we all settled down onto the sofa's and gossip about recent events and what it was like to be switched on. I kept trying to come up with sounds which I knew to describe objects and what they we like to my grandparents as they are really curious.

On the Sunday I decided that I wanted to go swimming as it was a regular activity which I did on a weekend. Since the advice from the Doctors was not to swim 2 weeks before the operation and 4 weeks after I did actually miss the pool. The only nightmare about water was I had to wait for my hair to dry again before I could my implants back on. The peace and quiet was nice though.

Through out the rest of the week, friends and family we coming to see me and my CI's. They kept making noises to see if I could hear it (which I could), but the strange thing was they were no longer sounding the same both genders. They were actually sounding slightly different. Dudes were sounding like dudes and lasses were sounding like lasses. I quickly text my T of D of what had happened. I had finally broken through the barrier of people sounding alike.
Yippeeee!

The SWITCH ON!!!!

Friday 9th August...

My first switch on appointment, I was mega excited! I think anyone who was in my position would be. I knew not to expect much from this out come but from what I have heard so far after being switched on, I would say it is the best decision I have made this year and maybe the best so far in my life!

Setting off from home with my parents we were all going into the unknown, I have been told by many people, professionals and Cochlear Implant wearer, what to expect from the first switch on. Beeps and buzzes are all I will hear. That was ok, but deep down I knew I wasn't going to be satisfied with this. Oh well. My parents have told me that they just wanted me to hear something, anything is better than nothing, which I agreed on. On the way to Nottingham many people were texting me wishing me good luck with the switch on, but as we crept closer to Nottingham my nerves were playing up a little.
My dad was a little bewildered by the building of Ropewalk itself. He commented on it saying it looked like a swimming pool. This is what both me and me mam said on the first time we went.

Heading to the waiting room, there was a poster on the wall by a company which offered Teenagers to tell their story of their hearing loss/journey etc. My mam encouraged me to have ago at it, considering I am already do so, in this blog.
Whilst I was thinking whether to have ago, the audiologist entered the room, a big bubbly attitude and smile on her face. 'Hiding are you... Behind the wall?' Was the first thing out of her. I had to laugh, the waiting room is not exactly the best shape for deaf people to be in, as you cannot see if someone has called your name out as this wall is slap bang in the middle. My excuse was 'All the little kids were round that end of the wall, I wanted to hide.' The last time I went the kids were throwing balls at me, they were cute so I forgave them. Ha-ha!

The audiologist then lead me and my parents through a maze of corridors to the room, where I was to be wired up to the computer and be switched on! My right ear was first to be switched on, this was a really weird experience. (If your not a CI person then its going to sound even more strange when I explain.) The audiologist first had to find out the right magnet for my head as number 1 was useless! Eventually she put me on 5/6 magnets for both ears as my hair was so thick. My dad advised me by saying get a Mohawk. 
'HELL TO THE NO!' was my response which made all the adults in the room laugh.
Then the right ear was switched on, the audiologist said I may not hear it at first but after 7 or so clicks with the mouse. It wasn't a beep I heard, it was a crackle. The audiologist kept doing this until all my high frequencies on my right side was turned on. Then my left side was done in the same way with me saying I can hear it etc. Beep, buzz and crackle every time.

Shortly after this I had to see what was the maximum I could listen to in one go, sound-wise. I was handed a scale to point at if the sound was soft, soft but comfortable, comfortable, loud but comfortable, too loud.
After this I was told that one implant at a time was going to be switched on with all the sounds joined together. The left ear was just continuous beeps and buzzes. Then it was turned off, the right go. I could actually hear the audiologist voice. It was high pitch and very squeaky. Like Minnie Mouse or Donald Duck talking, depending on the distance away from me.
Both CI's were turned on together after this. A big shock to my system but awesome. I was told to allow the crackling to settle down for a second. Then I could hear the audiologist speak clearly but very high pitch and squeaky. Then was turn to hear my parents. I haven't hear them for nearly 8 months. I could hear them!
Very high pitch even my Dad was squeaky! I told my mam that I could hear, she laughed. It sounded like bells ringing. I told her that and she laughed even more. 'Bells, bells, bells...'

Afterwards I was told that I had 4 programmes to work through before I was to go back on the 23rd of August. 'Keep brain training' my audiologist told me just as I was to leave.

So me and my parents left to go out for dinner, they kept banging the cutlery about soon as we sat down. It was loud. Testing me on different sounds. I don't like the hand dryer as that gave me a shock, when it went on. Also I didn't realise that my feet had a noise every time I walked. Something new to experience.
As the day went by I experimented with sound, banging on the table, slamming doors. Sticking my head in the fridge to hear the fan noise which my sister says is there. Hmmm haven't heard it yet.

By the time I got to the evening, after showing my mates what my implants look like on and describing what they sounded like. Which gained some laughs along side the comments of EXTERMINATE (as I described one of my friends like a Dalek from Doctor Who) I decided to plug in my IPod as an experiment to see if I could hear anything.
I could *cue the smile plastering across my face*.
Hallelujah!

The CI's Equipment.

Getting the equipment...

Both of my teacher's for the deaf (T of D) came today, one from Nottingham who brought the equipment and the other from my local area.
The Nottingham teacher came bouncing through my doors lugging a huge black which looks like a laptop bag. 'This is your equipment' she said after putting it on the floor. My initial thoughts was all that for my hearing, Jeez-Marie!.
It intrigued my local teacher as being a teenager, who has a bilateral implants at my age is quite rare. Eager to see what the mystery bag held, the Nottingham teacher began by showing me my processors. Very shiny, thin! Slight problem the processor was brown where as the coil and wire was black. It turns out I made a mistake when ticking the box and choose the wrong colour for the coil. Ooops! She then told me I could change them when I go for the switch on, thank god!

Anyway, the T of D proceeded with explaining how the equipment worked and I was rather pleased that the battery usage was both rechargeable as well as hearing aid batteries. Then smaller boxes came out of this bag, with wires for connecting to music and cleaning thing. It was a lot of things just for two small items which allowed me to hear. She then told me that there was an instruction book off how to operate the processors, one look at it and I was like huh? Thank goodness she gave me a simple version of how to do it. Otherwise it would take me ages to figure it out!

So the switch on is on Friday, so both T of D's said they will see me within the next week to see how I am getting on. Excited but I know not to expect much I keep telling myself. So after a cuppa, some biscuits and a chat they left me to fiddle about with the processors as the magnet in the coil wouldn't attach to my head. Luckily I can ask at Nottingham, to change the strength of the magnet in order to attach it to myself.

Later that evening, my parents came home from work and I was bursting to tell them all about what I have learnt today. They themselves were having ago at trying on my processors for the weight, looking at the instruction booklets and threw the same facial expressions as I did. When I saw how many types of flashes of colour to remember and what they symbolised. My mam said 'Oh this is going to be fun, Beth!' I knew what she meant, as I do have a memory of a goldfish sometimes...

Anyways, come tomorrow its two more sleeps till the switch on! Yippee! :D

Counting down to the SWITCH ON!

Counting down the days...

I only have a few more days of being in silence, then I get switched on. Every day get marked with a big cross on my calendar. '7,6,5,4 days....' 
I am more excited for this than my birthday or Christmas to come. I think partly due to the fact it will help me seem a little more 'normal' again; that I can talk to my friends about music which has come out. Although I know its going to be a lot of hard work to get to that stage but it will be worth it!

In some ways I think I am going to miss hearing nothing, the benefits of not hearing my siblings squabble or having to hear really loud noises, for example thunder the other day.
I am really excited to hear little things such as Rice Crispy going 'snap, crackle and pop' or the squeaky noise of balloons rubbing together as I had never heard these before.
*Note to self, do not put the processors near the balloons as its will wipe the programmes as I have been told. Ha-ha!*
The one sound that I haven't missed is the birds tweeting in the morning, this has always annoyed me every time I had my hearing aids reprogrammed to allow me to hear again; but with hoping I am wishing that I will like them, as its tough luck.

I have the Teacher for the Deaf from Nottingham, along with my own Teacher of the Deaf, coming to see me this week with the equipment for the Cochlear Implants. I am dead excited to see all the bits a pieces and have a play about with them. I know my family are as wired up as I am about this!

So in the mean time, I am busy with University research of planning which open days to attend and courses etc. to keep my mind off the SWITCH ON.
Eeekk, I am looking forward to it, despite this, I must keep my expectations low as I know its not a quick fix.

Roll on Friday 9th of August!

12th July 2013 - THE OPERATION

The day finally dawned upon us...

The day of my operation was on the 12th of July and I had a morning slot. The letter stated that the night before I could eat and drink but only up to certain times. So my last snack was at midnight whereas I was allowed to have a glass of water at 5 in the morning. God it was an early start. Having less than 5 hours sleep didn't help either. I was so excited as I knew I would soon be hearing again after 7 months of silence.

Arriving at the hospital at 7 am, people were walking around half asleep, in a almost zombie like state, but my and me mam were rather giddy as we knew this was the day everything changes. A new chapter in my life so to speak.

Ready for surgery!

Checked into the ward but I was given the offer to chill in the adults area  - I did not want to be around screaming children at that time in the morning. settling onto the bench other patients began to enter the ward. It was nice to talk to other people to try and take my mind off the fact that I was hungry. God my stomach didn't stop rumbling!

Shortly after that the nurse came to check my blood pressure and ask my any questions I had regarding the operation and whether I felt alright. I didn't care about the op, I was looking forward to eating afterwards. Ha-ha!  Then the anaesthetist came to explain how I was going to be put asleep etc. and said that I would have to have the 'numbing' cream applied to my hand considering I was put on the children's list despite being 17. I wasn't going to argue I just wanted it to be over and done with.

The junior surgeon came to see me after the anaesthetist, explaining the procedure and that it should take roughly 4 hours. Then my main surgeon who I met at Ropewalk  House told me to have both sides implanted it should be 3 1/2 hours. I was expecting around 4 so that was good or was it?

Entering the theatre prep room, the surgery team were having a team brief whilst I was being pumped with drugs to put me to sleep. I thought I should count back from 10, as that what I was told the last time I had surgery. I didn't even get to count down - knocked out!

5 and half hours later...

Finally I was out of theatre and put in recovery - it was painfully I must admit, but what do you expect when you skull has been drilled into and electrodes pushed into the Cochlear. My sight was off balance, if I moved a slight inch the whole room stated to spin. Luckily for me this only lasted a few hours. I was being dosed up on morphine and other drugs to try and numb the pain. For me this wasn't a success until the next couple of days.  It was nice that my surgeon came to see me after he finished his operation list. I couldn't keep up the conversation as I kept dosing off. Ooops, I think he would understand.

After that, my mam came down to the recovery room to translate and keep me company  before we were transferred to the children's ward. Thank god, they saw common sense to keep me away from the children. It was time to dose off for a while. After waking up, my mam told me that my teacher for the deaf from Ropewalk Walk came by whilst I was having my surgery and was expecting to see me but my surgery took longer than expected. So she left but gave me a present, a teddy bear with it's own cochlear attached. Sweet thought!

Around 8 o'clock I wanted to eat - it was going to be my breakfast for the day. A pack up appeared shortly after my request and it was a cheese sandwich. I shortly found out that I had no taste buds working, a risk which I knew about and the surgeon said it would come back after a while. The cheese and onion crisp tasted really funky, I could feel the texture but not taste them. Trust me it was a weird experience!  .

As my mouth was so dry I kept drinking fluids ,as the ward sister wouldn't let me be attached to my drip after my op. This meant I was constantly drinking water to keep hydrated as I hadn't drank anything since the early morning. The side effect of this was needed the loo in the middle of the night. My mam choose to stay with my that night, instead of going to The Ear Foundation. I didn't want to wake her in the middle of the night, but the only problem was my balance being off. I couldn't walk in a straight line with out bumping into something/one. So I decided to become inventive by grabbing onto the blood pressure monitor which was attached to wheels and used that to get myself to the opposite end of the room and back. On my way back the nurse caught me and just started laughing. I must admit I did look a bit of a state. Back to bed I went and another dose of painkillers and antibiotics.

The next morning...

The next morning I woke up rather early, simply because I couldn't get to sleep without causing so much pain by pressing on my bandage. Eventually the doctor made his rounds about dinner time to check my wounds as it kept bleeding through out the night. I got the ok, so I could go home after my X-Ray to get the all clear that the CI's were placed in the right spot.
Nearly 4 hours passed by and then I was X-Rayed but I had to wait a little while longer before I could go home.

By the time I got home, I was knacked from not having enough sleep and my siblings were bursting with questions. They wanted to see what my scars looked like and kept asking a variety of things regarding my operation. Nice to know that they care!

Later that week...

My taste buds were still funky, I couldn't taste anything till Wednesday evening and since then things have been coming back slowly. God, I missed the taste of coffee and chilli! My balance seemed to figured itself out straight away, by the Monday I could pretty much walk in a straight line with a few occasions when I wobbled.



















The worst thing about having this operation was the fact you couldn't wash your hair for a week. Thank goodness for dry shampoo and even then that was horrid by the following Thursday, when I went back to the doctors for a check to make that my wounds were healing correctly. Soon as the nurse gave me the ok for washing my hair my instant reaction was 'hallelujah'! 

Only 3 more weeks to the switch on I kept telling myself...

If you blinked, you wouldn't believe how much time has passed...

To sum up the pass few weeks...

The last few weeks have been so busy, that I haven't had a chance to talk about what has happened. It's been a blur but a very unique one of that.

Meeting the surgeon-consultant...

Nearly a week just after seeing the Audiologist, I was told I had an appointment to see the surgeon-consultant to discuss the possibility of me going ahead with the operation.

The surgeon was a dude, who basically just went over my MRI again and then asked if I had any questions. I had non, since I knew pretty much what I was going in for and what I was expecting out of the process. Then he started asking me questions of my expectations if I went ahead with the procedure. My answer of course was 'to hear something, anything...' in which he replied was acceptable. I mean, come on seven months without any sound of course I was going to take anything on offer.
Then went the ritual of signing consent forms for the operation, he told me of all the risk I could be facing when I went into theatre. Here are a few, bleeding, frozen paralysis down one side of the face (the implant is placed close to the facial nerve), the lack/loss of taste, meningitis etc... Did I want to go ahead, hell yeah! The risk were 0.06 % or something like that and I always think; to think positive there will be a positive outcome. To prevent meningitis becoming a major factor I was told to be vaccinated at my GP's.

So I was just about to leave and shake the surgeon-consultant hand a question popped into my head. When was I going to have the surgery, as in a previous appointment they told me a waiting list has 'magically' appeared.   
At first I thought I misread his lips, but then he repeated it as my mother had the same response. 'September'.
My face must have shown what I really felt, as he responded by saying any cancellations or extra dates I would be considered for the slot. Yippee!


GP's...

Word of advice, when you go to the GP's appointment, do not say that your there for the meningitis vaccination. This really nafted off the Nurse I saw. Apparently, after being corrected with a sharp tongue; it is to prevent meningitis happening when the surgery is taking place, as its a greater risk of it happening. I had now been vaccinated with the preventive.
Leaving the GP's my mam gets a phone call from Nottingham offering me a place to have my surgery the following Friday. Yippee or not! It turns out I had to wait two weeks to allow the vaccination to get into my system.

Waiting for a date...

The two weeks slow passed by and I was waiting for a date. I knew at any moment in the future I could be considered for a slot when there was a cancellation or an extra date been put in place.
Finally my mam got a phone call, they were going to offer me a slot on the 12th of July 2013. The only problem was that it was a week away from when I found out. I couldn't tell my friends and other family members until it was confirmed the next day. This little secret was bursting to be told.

Once it was confirmed I told pretty much anyone who knew me. It was the best news I had heard in 7 months since my hearing skedaddled.
 Pannnniccc...

Two days before I was due to have the op, I had to get the all clear the doctors to say that I am fit and healthy. The only problem with this day was that my sister all of a sudden came out in this weird rash with spots. The doctor she saw said it could be chicken pox. My entire dream of having my op done of the 12th came crashing down. As my mam explained I could be at more risk if this was true. Fortunately it turned out to be a flux, thank god!

Two more sleeps to go... I kept repeating to myself like a little kid at Christmas.

Things are becoming INTERESTING

Back to the audiology clinic I go...

When back to Nottingham two weeks ago for further testing to make sure that I was eligible for the Cochlear Implant. The audiologist told me that I still met the criteria which was great as I knew that my hearing was not going to come back anytime soon (although that would have been lovely). 
Since I met the criteria I was wondering was the inside of my ears were like. Was the inner part of my ear able to cope with a implant being inserted, was my cochlea's 'normal'. Fortunately the audiologist actually had a report on my MRI scan which I had a month or so before. The report stated that I had normal, clear, obvious, etc. cochlea's. This was music to my mothers ears and the magic words that I have been wanting to read on a person's lip for a while.

Since that was one of my questions asked, I wondered about the make of implant that I could have. I knew out of all three companies I preferred both Cochlear and Advance Bionics. They seemed more jazzy and more appealing for my needs than the other company Medel, which I researched was only normally given to babies with a profound hearing loss.
The amount of research I found out about the two preferred companies for CI's was a lot. They were so completely different in terms of how they worked inside the body although the outside processors looked really similar. For the Advance Bionics there was 16 electrodes, but in Cochlear there was 22. From what I gathered 22 is better than 16 as this would mean I access a lot more sound than I would by having a CI with only 16. 
On the other hand, I like the Advance Bionics for the fact that the processors was water proof, so I could wear it swimming and not worry about the rain. It was also wireless which meant I could listen to music without having to actually connect to the IPod. 
On the plus side the Cochlear was bringing out a new model, the Nucleus 6 whereas the Advance Bionic had already brought out their new model the Naida CI.
I then asked the audiologist my next question, which make would I have. I only got one answer 'Cochlear', the reason behind this was that Nottingham audiology service, only deal with this manufacturer. Kind of glad that the choice was made for me, I am glad that I wouldn't even think 'what if..' about the other make. I had a choice and I had to stick with it.

Shortly after the audiology part was complete and my questions began to dry up, the speech and language therapist came into the room. It was a simple test to see how I pronounced my words since my hearing has gone. I wasn't exactly keen one the woman by the time I had finished. I think anyone would be put off when someone tells you, that 'you sound like a man, due to a husky voice.' Charming eh?

Well my next appointment after this would be meeting the surgeon-consultant. Hopefully it gets fast tracked soon!


Stunned Faces

Social

Few months ago at a usual dinner time in my 6th form. All huddled around a table whilst eating our lunches. General chitchat being passed around. I was trying my best to keep involved with the conversation, reading lips. At one point I got lost as three people's mouth moved at once. It was like watching goldfishes mouths pop open and close all move at once, but I became my own worse enemy. I didn't ask any one what I just missed.
Someone shortly afterwards asked me on my opinion of what was being talked about. I didn't have a clue.
I knew I should have asked but as some deaf people do, they nod and let the conversation carry on. Also I could hear before with my hearing aids in, now zilch. People were just carrying on as normal. 

This happened again to me last week, but I had a different response. I stopped the conversation and actually asked what when off. Cue the stunned faces!  Since losing my hearing completely my confidence has grown. I wanted to know what was being said, even if it was something I am not interested in.
Although some of the conversations that I walk in on are really awkward/interesting...
One of my friends mentioned 'lady-boys'. My first initial reaction was huh? Without thinking, I said what just had be said. *cue more strange faces*
Why was this being talked about, but then when I started putting the conversation together I understood that it had been a TV programme and my TA originally brought it up. Weird but this keeps happening to me recently. I look up to find myself in a middle of a conversation, with some rather weird comments being spoken. It is these things that make my family laugh when I tell them about my day, as its an experience for them as well me. 

On the plus side people are now starting to be more deaf aware (apart from the odd few who can't seem to drill it into their head - 'she has gone deaf, must not stand in front of the light etc.'), my closest friends are sometimes just seeing the puzzled look on my face and just start repeating what had been said.
Thank goodness, the stunned faces seem to be no more!

The MRI scan

p.s - this not my brain as my mate seems to think...

MRI

I have been waiting for my MRI letter to come through the post for ages. I was really hoping that the appointment wasn't going to be during exam season. Luckily it arrived for the week before they started.

Before the day of my MRI, I had different opinions of the MRI from people thrown at me left, right and centre. One person kind of freaked me out, saying that they got stuck in a machine. Luckily I ignored that comment. Otherwise it would have made me nervous to be in the machine. Others have told me its loud and noisy - well I can't hear, so I don't have anything to worry about. Whereas my mam has told me that she fell asleep through it. So I was pretty sure that I would be similar, since I already sleep through my vibrating alarm clock.

I already knew what a MRI scan was, therefore I didn't need to do much research on it like everything else I have been doing. I had covered it multiple times in science at school. Although the images that I saw was of the outside scanner, I had been told be some people that they have to wear a helmet. My first thought was a medieval knight style. With someone going 'arise sir knight'.
Okay that was a little too much... 

Anyways, very early in the morning, arriving at Queen's Medical Centre was a nightmare. Mazes of roads going all over the place meant it was hell to park the car but it didn't stop there. In the hospital became labyrinths maze. I think me and me mam ended up looping round one corridor more than once. Until a lady pointed us in the right direction.

Arriving the department, and the first thing the receptionist said to me was remove your jewellery. 15 minutes later, after battling to remove all of it. I was told to come through to another room. The guy who collected me was not deaf aware at all. Talking away and walking in front of me whilst at that. I couldn't lip read him. Its a deaf person kind of personal hell.
In the end I said to him ' I am deaf'
His reply was 'I know, that's why your here!' It was rather arrogance, despite stating the obvious. Also the handlebar moustache, dude, not a good look! I can't read your lips, as its covering your lip pattern. 
He eventually went away after what it seemed like a lifetime of asking questions to ensure my safety in the machine.
My mam was signing away to me to keep conversation going during another waiting period.

Then it was my time to go in the scanner, a woman came to collect me and hallelujah she was signing. Not a facial hair hanging over the lips in sight.  Explaining the process again, whilst being walked up to the room. I was then told to lay down on this trolley which goes into the machine. Whilst she placed the helmet over my head, along with some ear muffs. I gave her a funny look to say, 'I am deaf! Doubt the sound would bother me'. Apparently it's all procedure though. Mirrors where inside the helmet so I could see her, to reassure me apparently. She told me it would take around 30 - 45 minutes. In I went.
Instantly I feel asleep.

20 minutes later, it was all over. Apparently the image of my Cochlear is really clear so it didn't take as long. I actually thought it was the full time because I feel asleep. Ooops!

So now I just have to wait for another appointment! Just hope its after my exams...

Info, info, info... how much do I really need to know?

The Ear Foundation...

I have been researching Cochlear Implants in the last few months so much, that I finally thought that my brain would explode! I know that taking in too much information at once can become overwhelming.
Fortunately there was some new things that I was yet to still learn!

I found out a few months ago that there was to be a Cochlear Information day at the Ear Foundation in Nottingham. This I wanted to go to straight away, as there were to be talks from real people. Not people in books, DVD's or YouTube videos which seem to be all singing, dancing and bright lights at the end of the tunnel. I wanted to talk to people who have actually gone through the operation themselves and explain their experiences, the crazy roller coaster of a journey of the up's and down's.

The day came...

The day finally came two weeks ago on Saturday, I thought it was going to be pretty useless, as I felt that I'd made my opinion up and gathered all the information.
Arriving at the Ear Foundation the volunteers were so cheery, I could tell that it was going to be a fab day. Meeting other people in my situation some younger than me and others similar was interesting. Exchanging stories with other teenagers made me feel a bit better. As most of my deaf friends had their CI's when they were young so essentially they don't know what I am going through.

Several talks were given through out the day starting with talks from the three companies (Advance Bionics, Cochlear, MEdel) who provide CI's. Then a surgeon who actually operates with Cochlear Implants went through the procedure and showed small images of the op, slightly gross and aaaawwweeessssommmeee (as my brother would say it) at the same time. To be honest I am glad to know what they could be doing to my head!

Then came dinner, was getting rather hungry since we set off from home early. During dinner it was another chance to talk to families. Once I had my dinner and had another chat with the companies for CI's will gaining lots of freebies which I have since given out to friends and families since I got too much.  

Then the afternoon came, the party was to be spilt. People with young children went one way and me with other teens along with our parents went another.
In a separate room, us teens were discussing the problems with CI's whilst still being in education. The chairperson so to speak was a teacher for the deaf from Nottingham, who shared her pupils experiences having the CI operation whilst in education. It was a time to vent out feelings about the situation I was going through, what I thought about CI's and what our own families thought of the CI's. By the end of the afternoon I felt better towards having a Cochlear Implant and swapped numbers with fellow teenagers to keep in contact and advise one another what we have done in the journey and our experiences. 

Before leaving a teenager who was my age who had already had two CI's advised me to have it done but with two. This was a constant debate between me and my mam, I only wanted one as I had a small amount of hearing in my right ear left, whereas others and my mam said to have two done as that hearing could soon disappear. The teenager explained her reasoning behind it and slowly by the time I got home I changed my mind!

"I WANT TWO COCHLEAR IMPLANTS" I announced to my mam! A big smile splashed across her face! She was thrilled!

http://www.earfoundation.org.uk/

Reality becomes crashing in - i thought you were deaf aware!

This week...

It was this week that I experienced someone being not deaf aware. To be honest it shouldn't have affected me as it would normally done, as I would have just shuck it off and carried on.

The person who did it too me was someone who I had known for years! I would have thought they had learnt by now but apparently not!

I just come back from my Easter break and was in class. I had explained to my teacher that my hearing had disappeared and that I needed them to be more aware of how they stand, talk etc. Any deaf person reading this would understand.
Their response to me was 'I will try...' my immediate thought was you will not try, you will do! I feel like giving them the death stare, or trying to hypnotise them. Impossible, but that's what I get for watching too much Sci-Fi films... 

It didn't end there that lesson, it just got worse and split over a couple of days. Deaf awareness should have been a key thing as this person had known me for many years. I asked them to repeat what had just been said, as it wasn't just me who missed the whole conversation. My interpreter was the same, kind of my fault for asking my interpreter to sign the last sentence again as I got mixed up.
Me: Would you repeat that again, please!
Them: Nope, must carry on with the lesson.

Oooo, that made me mad!

In addition to this my coursework it suppose to be finished apparently. Although with all the hearing loss and many appointment to the hospital in various parts of the country, means I do miss school occasionally. The rest of my teachers have took it into consideration whereas this one doesn't fully understand!
Therefore I am playing catching up, with the glare that comes in my direction every now and then!

I think to solve this problem of people not being deaf aware, I might do a meeting to talk about what I am going through; whilst trying to get them to understand it hard being disadvantaged with a slight hearing loss, that being profoundly deaf is twice the difficultness!

AND breathe, rant over!

Hearing Vanishing Once Again

During Easter...

I broke up from school on the Thursday just before Easter still having some of my hearing. Unlucky for me my hearing went on the Easter Monday but it did it whilst I was at home thank god!
My mam arranged for me to have emergency testing at my audiology centre again. It was pretty much what I expected. My hearing had gone...
Back on the magic pill (steroids) I go!

It wasn't magic this time!

My audiologist by this point had already put a referral through to a Cochlear Implant centre in Nottingham. I was hoping that the appointment would come through quick!

After Easter...

Luckily for me that my referral came through quickly and that I just attended this week gone. I had pretty mixed feeling yet again, I was unsure how it was going to go. I attended 6th form in the morning explaining the situation to all my teachers, then I headed on the journey down to Nottingham.

Arriving at Nottingham Audiology centre was quite complex, so many roads that went in the different direction to the place I wanted to go. Luckily me and my mam had Sean with us, the Irish accent SAT NAV which she is nuts about. Sorry Mam, it had to be said!
Once I got inside the building it reminded me of a swimming pool, my mam said my voice was echoing and bouncing off the worlds from when I spoke. Therefore that point was proved. Ha-ha.

Once meeting the audiologist I began to felt more relaxed. Up until now, people who were in the medical profession didn't exactly know what to do with me. These guys were specialised! Another hearing test was conducted, it must have been my 8th one in the last two months. There was no surprise, my hearing had remained at the level it was at. Which the audiologist then said the words I have been wanting to hear '...meet the criteria for a Cochlear Implant'. I knew that was the start of a journey to hearing again, but it wouldn't be straight forward. Nothing ever is.

After this appointment I had to talk to a teacher for the deaf since I was still in education. She advised me on what to do, how much more research I should carry out. Questions were flung at me again about my expectations etc. Boring but essential.

From this meeting I was given a information pack which advised me on what I could do and cant do if I have a cochlear implant.
For example I can't do Badminton if I don't wear some form of protection head wear. My initial thought was what the hell!
Another example is I can't do Karate again. Even though I gave it up many years ago, I have been recently thinking about going back to it. Bugger!
The DVD was similar and this has been making the rounds to all the people which are close to me. It has the aim to make them understand what I am going through.  

The next step in this journey is going to a Cochlear Implant Conference provided by the Ear Foundation. This will hopefully resolve and find the solution to problem which has been weighing on my mind. The decision whether to have 1 or 2 Cochlear Implants!

THE COCHLEAR IMPLANT

Before Easter...


the outside of a cochlear implant (the processor)

A couple of weeks before Easter I got in touch with an old friend of mine who had their cochlear implant done when they were a similar age to me. We went out for a meal, this was an opportunity for me to ask a bunch of questions. It was like an explosion of questions coming out of my gob!

Some were funny such as 'can you stick a fridge magnet to your head?' 

the inside implant linking to the cochlear

The response was no! Much to my brother displeasure! I think he thought if I a Cochlear Implant he could go round with a bunch of fridge magnets and re-invent the pin the tail on the donkey.
I did ask some serious questions as well. By the end of the evening I got most of the answers that I desperately sought.

The next day at school, I would not shut up according to one of my closest friends. Telling almost everyone who spoke to me what I could be going through and relaying all the answers I received.
It was becoming a weight off my mind!

Hallelujah or not...

After that appointment...

The magic pill were of course short lived, it gave me my hearing back for a couple of months which yippee I could hear music, TV and voices! Thank god!
School became more supportive through that period by giving me extra support and I had signing interpreters put in place. So I could understand my teachers, as some of them are mega hard to understand when just lip reading them.

From that audiology appointment, I had to constantly go back for further hearing tests to make sure that I could still hear. It was beginning to show again that my hearing was dropping again and at first my confidence was too.

My deaf friends who had Cochlear Implants were beginning to help me understand and get my head around the idea of having one. As that could be an option to take.
There were conflicting opinions from people around me on what I should do. My parents of course said go for whatever was best for me!
Whereas other people said to me it wasn't natural to have a Cochlear Implant, my response was 'well would you prevent a person having a hip replacement, because that's not natural' this shut them up.

Around March...

My hearing was beginning to drop again, which gave me the idea of researching all the options that I have laid out in front of me.
1. Going down the pathway of having no hearing and being deaf for the rest of my life. This is ruled out straight away! I was not going to sit around hearing no music, my parents voice, or potentially failing my A Levels.
2. Keep wearing my hearing aids and have very little sound. As I know scientists now conducting research to help restore hearing.
3. Go for the  Cochlear Implant which had be recommended by Audiologist.

Option 2 and 3 were becoming more favourable to me!

The Big Shock!

January

Way back in January my life had began to change completely. The change wasn't something I could control, being a deaf lass in 6th form was already hard. Having to rely on lip reading, sounds through my hearing aids. I stood out already but having a great group of friends I feel normalish.
Although I wasn't that deaf, it was a big shock to find out that I had gone to bed normal.
To then waking up the next day to find out that my hearing had gone completely. My instant thought was 'oh hell' its just a dip in my hearing caused by a ear infection or something.

Oh how I wish it was just that. Then came the visits to my useless GP's, who whenever I have a health problem always seem to diagnose me with something totally different to what ever I have. Yes I know your reading this and thinking that I should change doctors or something. ha-ha.

One doctor even said 'why on earth are you seeing me?' My reply was I need help of course!

The audiology appointment was made in a emergency, shortly after that. On the day of the appointment I was in mixed feeling because I didn't know what to expect. Part of me still had hope that my hearing can be fixed by a magic pill, whereas the other part of me knew that I had no chance!
The testing was carried out and yep it was confirmed my hearing had vanished and that I now met the criteria for Cochlear Implant. The Cochlear Implant is a hearing equipment which would be inserted in a person head to give them hearing.
I have many friends who have one but the thought of myself having one upset me. I wouldn't hear normally again. People would sound robotic, friends and family would not longer sound the same!

Thankfully I got given the magic pill which helped bring my hearing back up. Hallelujah!!!!